


I don’t wanna survive without you

by frikdreina



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Although nothing is really fixed, Canon Related, F/M, He just wants his girl back, I'm such a memori trash, John Murphy is so soft, Memori - Freeform, Monty as the sweet little angel he is/was, Not Beta Read, Set in 5x13, TEARS TEARS TEARS, This is basically tears and a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 05:30:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16079435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frikdreina/pseuds/frikdreina
Summary: John’s eyes are closed.“She’s right, just go on, it’s too far, there’s not enough time”.The only thing he values more than his own survival is hers. He would never let her die, and he’d already proven this a hundred times.“Then I guess we’re both gonna die, because there’s no way in hell I can leave the man I love behind”.





	I don’t wanna survive without you

**Author's Note:**

> *[Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/vidahh/playlist/4YqK2igRenTe6TxQ45kPQ1?si=KnSx2Dv9RJyYj_zjvon-Zw)*

Emori is half carrying John to the transport ship when Raven’s voice echoes from the speakers _“Everyone, listen up. Life as we know is about to end. Again. Get your asses to the transport ship now for immediate evacuation”._ He was shot twice during their plan to take the Valley, the bullets lodged in his chest and shoulder.

“Wait. Stop a second,” he staggers to the ground, leaning over a tree. Emori falls by his side, taking in her hand and glove covered in red, John's shirt blood-soaked, two little holes burned in it. _He can’t die._ Niylah comes by to check his wounds. “He won’t make it”, she turned to Monty, “We have to go without him”. Emori stares at her face in disbelief as she walks away, horror stamped in her eyes. She gets up to see if there’s anyone behind. No, they’re the last ones. As she returns to John's side, she can hear Monty’s words to Harper “Show the others the way. I’ll take Murphy”. They kiss briefly and _he can’t die_.

John’s eyes are closed. “She’s right, just go on, it’s too far, there’s not enough time” _._ The only thing he values more than his own survival is hers. He would never let her die and he’d already proven this a hundred times. “Then I guess we’re both gonna die, because there’s no way in hell I can leave the man I love behind” _._ There’s a hole in her stomach, her heart is being crushed inside her chest. _He can’t die._ _No, he can’t. He. Can’t. Die._ He meets her gaze with a smile, struck by her words. His smile fades and he shakes his head in denial, “I’m not gonna do this to you, Emori. I can’t run”. She struggles to let the words out, tears burning behind her eyes, the knot in her throat tightening, “Yes, you can” _._ That’s when she notices Monty is kneeling next to them, “No. But I can”. Monty takes John in his arms, carrying him on his back, “Monty, Mon - ”, John’s protest is interrupted by a painful scream. Emori doesn’t leave their side, holding the hand of the man she loves.

 

* * *

 

They’re the last ones to get to the transport ship. Clarke is standing by the door, her face revealing her panic. _“Twenty, nineteen, eighteen”,_ Monty shouts “Bellamy! Wait!” and Bellamy comes rushing in their direction, “There they are!” Clarke radioes Raven, “They’re here”.

“Did we make it?”, John asks unbelieving. “Time to spare”, Bellamy jokes, helping Monty carry Murphy inside the ship. Emori’s still holding his hand that’s now grabbing Monty’s jacket. All four of them hop inside and just as Clarke closes the door they can see the missiles hitting the ground, exploding. “Raven, they’re in. Go for launch”.

 

* * *

 

They made it in time. They’re safe. Well, almost. John’s still in surgery and Jackson’s been operating on him for over an hour. She can still lose him. He can still die. _No, he can’t die. He won’t die. He’ll be fine._

Emori is on the ship’s floor, shrunken in a corner with her head on her knees, waiting. It feels like a lifetime until Jackson steps out of med bay, looking for her. “Hey,” she jumps to her feet and he walks toward her. “He’s going to be fine,” she lets a sigh out in relief, “He lost a lot of blood but I was able to remove both bullets. He’s lucky it didn’t hit any major organs”. _He’s alive. He’s going to be fine._ She nods at his words, letting him know she’s listening. “Monty’s with him now. Strange you were not the first to see him”. A feeling of guilt and pain grows in her chest, and she knows he expects her to say something in return, “Yeah, I don’t think I’m ready to see him just yet,” she says, fighting the tears. “Look, I know it’s none of my business but can I say something?” he waits to see her response. When she hums in agreement he continues, “I don’t know what he did to blow this up but you almost lost him”. She feels a knot forming in her throat, the terror she felt before still running through her veins. _Just go on._ “Maybe this would be a good time to work things out, don’t you think?” Her eyes are staring at his feet and her thoughts are rushing through her mind. _It’s too far, there’s not enough time._ “Well, that’s what I think, seeing from the outside”. He pats her on the shoulder as he leaves.

“Oh!” he turns around, remembering something else, “Do you know the first thing he said when the anesthesia started to wear off?” She shakes her head, denying. “Your name”.

 

* * *

 

Murphy can hear someone’s anxious footsteps wherever the hell he is. He’s too weak to move but he manages to open his eyes. He glances around the room, looking for someone. No, not someone. Emori. Instead he finds a very preoccupied Monty pacing the small room with gray walls. By his side, a heartbeat monitor beeps. It all starts to make sense now. He was shot. He was dying. The planet was on fire. And now he’s fine.

“Didn’t know you had it in you, Monty,” his words barely comes out, his throat as dry as the Dead Zone. “You’re awake”, the boy says with a smile on his face, “How are you feeling?” _Is that concern in his eyes?_ “Like I’ve just been shot by crazy ass criminals and had to run for my life in order to leave a burning planet,” he smirks.

They turn their eyes to the door when someone knocks. Murphy’s heart is pounding inside his rib cage, the monitor giving him away. _Emori?_  The door opens slowly as a girl with medium brown hair peeks inside the room, “Can I come in?” His heart almost skips a beat at the sound of her voice, her goldish-brown eyes wandering through the room and meeting his gaze. _Emori._ “Sure, I was just leaving,” Monty shoots back and walks toward her, who’s still standing by the door. “Hey, Monty?” Murphy regain consciousness, “Thank you”. Monty smiles at him, “You’re my family, you know?” He turns to Emori, “Both of you”. Murphy fight the tears from coming as Emori hugs Monty with her right arm. Just before the door closes, he can hear her whisper to Monty “Thank you for saving his life”.

 

* * *

 

 

Emori takes a deep breath and turns around, facing John. “Hey,” his voice soft. “Hi,” she says sheepishly, “How are you?” He looks away, staring at the wall in front of him, “Oh, you know, I’ll live”. She lowers her gaze to the floor and moves forward, stopping only a few centimeters from his bed. “I was so scared, John,” her words come out like a whisper. He suddenly moves his head to look at her, gazing at the gold speckles sparkling in her brown eyes. “I was so scared to lose you,” he can see the tears growing in her eyes, while she looks at his bandaged shoulder. “Hey,” he reaches for her left hand, giving it a little squeeze, “It’s fine. I’m fine. It’s over”. She moves a little closer and the room goes quiet.

“Did you really mean it, though?” He says, breaking the silence. She frowns, not wanting to believe his question, “Were you seriously willing to die for me?” His words hits her like a punch to the face, “Did you think I was lying?” She’s hurt. “Well, I honestly thought you didn’t care, Emori”. She sits on the edge of his bed and places a hand on his cheek, “John…”, her voice is soft and powerful in a way that could break him in half and heal him at the same time, “Do you remember that time in Becca’s lab, right before the radiation chamber?” He doesn’t like to remember that. The way she had accepted her fate, _“John, enough. You can’t stop this”._ Her words pleading for him to survive, _“Don’t give them a reason to pick you next. Survive, please”_.

“Yeah, what about it?” She blinks at him and rests her hands on her lap, the ghost of her touch on his skin. “Do you remember what you told me right before they sedated me?” _I’m sorry. I don’t want to survive without you._ “Yes,” no sound came out of his mouth, the knot in his throat blocking his words. He clears his throat, trying to speak louder this time, “Yes, I remember”. She gives him a sad smile. “Well then, John Murphy, I don’t want to survive without you”. Tears come streaming down his face and he tries to swallow a sob but fails. “Oh, John…” Emori manages to lay beside him, careful not to hurt him even more. He wraps his arm around her shoulder, resting his face on top of her head. He takes in her scent, her warmth.  _I love you. I miss you. I'm sorry._

“I’m sorry, Emori,” he can feel her tears on his skin, “I’m so sorry”. He looks down at her meeting her eyes, her beautiful golden-brown eyes, now puffy and red, her voice filled with pain “Don’t you ever do this again”. _God, she’s beautiful._ “Please don’t push me away again” she says between sobs, “I’m with you, John. I’m always with you”. Her lips find his and he kisses her soft and long. He sighs, tears still dripping from his eyes and pulls her closer. She rests her head on his good shoulder while he strokes her hair softly. “I love you, Emori”. She smiles against his skin, “I love you, John”.

**Author's Note:**

> (This was unbetad so all mistakes are mine.)  
> I hope you like it!  
> As always, comments and kudos are appreciated.  
> Feel free to send me a message on [tumblr](https://mmemori.tumblr.com).


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